


The Tainted World: Alternate Realities

by SunsetsCrying



Category: Vocaloid
Genre: Alternate Universe, Assassination, F/M, Romance, Thievery
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-11
Updated: 2015-12-29
Packaged: 2018-05-06 04:46:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5403575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunsetsCrying/pseuds/SunsetsCrying
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Love. It's one of those things you'll regret in the morning. So when you end up dead, lost in useless emotion, just remember. You only have yourself to blame. You should have ran away when you had the chance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Sleeping Girl

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone,
> 
> Nice to meet you. I have a fanfiction account and this story is posted there along with its original and a bunch of older works. I simply wanted to try posting here as well ^^  
> I'll tag as the story goes on as I see fit. Enjoy!
> 
> \- Sunset

Franklin Lakes, USA

________________________________________________

From the doorway of the classroom, Luka calls out to me. "Hey Miku! Want to go karaoke with me, Rin and Gumi?"

Fingers tapping against the desktop of my assigned seat, I can feel the smile on my face. I love karaoke, especially with those three but… "Sorry Luka. Not today. Len and I are going on a date today."

"Ah. That's right." Leaning against the doorway, she smirks. "Franklin High's new couple has yet to go on a date, even though it's already been a week...What are you two even doing?"

"Oh Shut up Luka! We're busy people. At least we're finally going on one!"

Even from here, I can see her eyes twinkle with amusement. Why is it that she always seems older than me even though we're the same age? It's not fair… "Don't worry, darling. I know. I'm just having a bit of fun with you, that's all...But make sure tell me all about it later, ok?"

Well, yeah. Even if she didn't offer, I would have called Luka anyways. It's in her job description as my best friend. Blowing me a kiss, Luka heads out, her hair whipping behind her. Settling down into my seat, the clock ticks away slowly, the second hand twitching almost spasmodically. Where is that boy anyways?

This is ridiculous. Just where is he? He's really gonna get it for making me wait this long….I don't even know where he is right now…..arrgghhh… I may as well take a nap. Yeah. A nap sounds good. He better have a good excuse.


	2. The Game of Life

Admodia, The Eastern Republic of New Ethatrias  
________________________________________________

You could say life is a game, the kind that's so fucked up, you have to wonder who made it up or why anyone even bothers playing it.

Wait, no, that's wrong.

Life is not a game. It's many games, all of them happening simultaneously. It's the type of thing that's so jumbled together, it's impossible to say where one starts and where the other ends.

…No wonder it's so fucked up.

Because, you see, life is the kind of game where sometimes there's a winner, sometimes there's a loser, and sometimes, it's simply about "enjoyment." Who's though, it's hard to say. I have yet to figure it out.

So do whatever you want. See who cares. I don't see an instruction manual or rules. Do you?

Fingers tapping against the slates of the roof, the night hums. From up here you can hear everything, the drone of an occasional car, the buzz of electricity, indistinct talking muffled by closed windows; these people do not fear the dark. It's what makes them vulnerable.

It's too cold out for comfort. I hate how I can see every breath I make. The cloak I'm wearing is not nearly warm as enough as I want it to be…but anything heavier would just weigh me down. Stupid cold season.

I suppose, that in a way, this is a waiting game. The kind of game with controlled breaths, reduced movements and your body on alert. Some call it a game of patience. It's really doesn't make a difference. Just play it right and nothing will go wrong. It really is that simple.

Today, it's a male. 40 years of age. Five foot eight. Weighs 180 to 195 pounds. Black thinning hair. A greedy politician, or so many seem to think. A man with too much power, or so his competitors believe. I really couldn't care less.

What does bother me is the family…who are with him now. Shit. His wife is the perfect picture of what she's supposed to be, young, pretty and shorter than him. There's a little boy too, age five. Anthony. He swings in between them, feet dangling above the ground. I can hear him giggling from here….But why? Why are they doing this now, in the middle of the night? Can't these people take their family walks during the evenings, like normal, sensible people?

This is what makes them easy to kill.

Sometimes…I wish…but that would be stupid. This is not that kind of game. A tiny foot swings into view. Refocusing my eyes, my fingers twitch with an old mixture of confidence and hesitation. But it's fine. I'm fine. This is nothing new. I am a professional.

The power trembles through my fingers and like usual, I can hear it, it's such a distinct sound, the sound of a single bullet against a human skull. Reverberating into the street, a frightened widow screams. Blood pooling around her designer shoes, curiosity attracts people to the streets rather than actual concern. Artificial hysteria building, the shadows expand, the clatter of my gun and the snap of my bag easily go unheard. I am no one. I am nothing. I was never here. I never existed. I am "the winner."

How exciting.

Leaping off the roof, I can hear it. Under the noise of his mother, under the bustle of the people crowding the streets, Anthony wails. Maybe in sorrow. Possibly confusion. It's hard to tell. These are some of the things I hate the most. Children always make things more difficult than they need to be.

It's hard not to feel guilty when they're around.  
________________________________________________

This is a different game…maybe. It's hard to tell. The made up rules don't really change.

I'm tired of sleeping. But judging by the amount of light shining through the dingy window in my small hole of an apartment, it's almost time to get out of bed anyways.

It's mornings like these that make me wish I had a better ceiling. A prettier one, one that's smooth and even. Hell, I'd settle for one without holes and water stains. But gilded borders would be nice.

Ha! Who am I kidding? My landlord is a stingy rat. "It's fine," he says. "Nothing worth fixing," he claims. I bet he wouldn't fix the damn thing even if it fell on my head during the middle of the night. Would probably find some way to blame it on me too.

So tomorrow, when I wake up, there it will be again. My ugly and uneven ceiling, full of holes and water stains. It's part of my lovely neverending cycle. How boring.  
________________________________________________

__

"I'm back Sir." Sitting in his chair, back facing his stupidly large window, he doesn't bother looking up at me.

"Did anyone spot you?"

"No. No one spotted me at all."

Leafing through some documents, he nods his is head in approval.

"Very good Miku. That's my girl." Picking up a small pile of money off his desk, he tosses it in my direction. Used to this type of interaction, I don't even have to think about catching it. Weighing the bundle of bills in my hand, it's barely enough to pay for rent, food, clothes and ammunition and all the other things I need to pay for. But that's nothing new. With a wave of his hand, he dismisses me. "Alright. Yah can go now. I'll call yah again soon."

My first instinct is to leave as quickly as possible. Being near Sir always gives me the creeps. But I need to know. "Sir?"

Exasperated, he finally looks up at me, upset that I'm still here. There's this hideous scar that crawls down his face. I heard he got it from his ex-wife. I hate looking at it. She's probably dead in a ditch…or "working" in a prostitution ring. "How much more do I owe until my debt is cleared?"

It's silent for a long time. The seconds tick by tantalizingly slow, he's probably paused for dramatic effect.

"Ahhhh, Miku….Miku, Miku, Miku. Just how much do yah think yah owe me? It's not a small amount, let me tell yah. Ever since Gakupo died, I took yah in. I clothed yah, I fed yah and I continued to train yah until yah were old enough to survive on yah own.

Surely, yah didn't think I did all of that for free? Let me tell yah something girlie. Nothing in this life is free. NOTHING. So it's best that yah remember that as soon as possible. So just get it through yah thick head already.

Yah MINE until I say yah aren't. It's as simple as that, Miku. It's as simple as that. Now go already. I have work to do."

"…But of course, Sir."

I should have known. How stupid of me to try. Heading towards the door, Sir calls at my back. "And don't forget. I always charge interest!" He laughs, as if it was a joke.

We both know it isn't.  
__________________________________________________

So yeah… Just like the ceiling never changes, so will my life. Therefore, it will start again, these games called life.


	3. Tag (You're It)

It's one of those days where you can't help but hate the sun just a little bit…even though you know you're not supposed to. Shining way too brightly, my eyes squint against the light, my glasses only making the problem worse. At least it's warm out.

Locking the door behind me, the wind picks up my dress, a simple and colorless thing. It's hard to believe people can make a profit producing these things…makes you question this republic a bit. Well anyways, it's the kind of dreary dress that doesn't attract attention at all, which is exactly what I need. I have a hard enough time doing that with my teal colored hair and eyes.

In this country, the natives are defined by blonde hair and amber eyes…though blue eyes are becoming more normal by the year. Defined by hair and matching eye color, this is how the countries of this world were established. Admodia is special though. It's a republic practically overrun by foreigners. It's probably why Gakupo chose to live here in the first place and why my parents initially came to visit. It's nice. But even so, to have teal hair and eyes like me, it's rare. From what I've heard, my country is a very small one, thousands of miles away from here.

A smart decision would have been to dye my hair a different color, or to cut it short. But fuck that - my hair and eyes are the two things I refuse to give up. The slave traders can go fuck themselves or someone else for that matter. In the end, you just do what you can. So this is who I've chosen to be, the girl with the grey dress and the long teal hair in twin tails wearing (fake) glasses. It's not the best thing to be but there'd no point in changing it now.

Like usual, the marketplace is overcrowded and full of noise. Crammed into every available space, vendors yell out their wares and sales. With all the smells intermingled and the sound of animals and giddy kids mixed in, it's a glorious mess.

"Mornin' Kaito!"

Yelling over the squawks of Bu birds, Kaito pops out of the small kitchen almost immediately. "Hey there Mystery Girl." Readjusting his scarf, today's apron matches the blue of his hair and eyes. "So what can I get you today? B meal or C?"

"C."

Like clockwork, he takes my money, an impish smile blooming on his face. "So tell me, will I have the honor of learning your name today?"

"Sorry Kaito. Not today."

Pouting for a moment, he sighs dramatically, his body wilting over the counter. Head resting on his elbows, his eyes shine in good fun. "All right then. But I'm warning you, I WILL find out your name some day, whether you tell me or not…but I would prefer it if you told me yourself.

"We'll see."

As in never. Though to be honest, I wonder sometimes, what it would be like to have him call out my name, to have him as my friend. But that would be stupid. There are only so many teal haired "citizens" in this republic. To know my name would be disastrous for the both of us.

"Here's your order, Mystery Girl. Enjoy!" Placing my food in front of me, his eyes twinkle with a kind of friendliness that hurts every time. Picking out a table in the far corner, I can literally feel my mouth watering, damn that's gross. Taking the first bite, I know the moan that slips past my lips is shameless, but I don't care, Saints, this is good stuff. "Let's keep it 2 rated back there, yeah?'

Laughter spilling from his lips, I'm laughing too but more like half choking on my food. I'm being way too stupid, constantly coming back like this. Why am I so stupid?

Slipping back into the crowd, Kaito waves goodbye from the counter. And before I can regret it, I wave back.

________________________________________________

So today didn't turn out to be too bad after all. The sun's not as annoying when there's a bunch of tarps in the way.

"Leeks! Leeks on sale! Three for Twenty Ethas! Three for Twenty!"

Oh. Wow. It's been….years since I've seen a leek stall in this Republic. The import fees are ridiculous and these are kinda cheap considering. Gutsy lady, setting up here instead of the black market….But no. I shouldn't. I'm poor. I have a debt to pay. I don't need these. It's unnecessary.

"Mama! Mama! Look! Look! There's leeks in this country too! Can we buy some? Please please please oh pleeeeeaaaaasssseeee?"

Mama looks at me funny. "You know Miku, most children ask for candy or toys. I think you're definitely the first one to beg for a leek."

But leeks are so yummy! "Oh Mamaaaaaa, pleeeeaaaasssseee? We haven't had leeks in foooorrrrreeeevvvveeeeerrrr. I promise I'll be good….Really! I do!"

Papa's laugh is rumbly, like the rain. "Come on Prima. We can afford a leek or two."

"Mikuo, we barely have enough money to pay for tonight's inn, let alone - "

Rumbling louder, Papa gives Mama a kiss on the cheek, his special trick. "Ah, don't worry. We'll make do. Plus, Miku's been such a good girl lately, haven't you Miku?"

Yes! Yes! Grabbing Mama's and my hand, Papa leads the way. My hand is so tiny in Papa's. His hand is so warm. But leeks! We're going to get leeks!

I don't have time for this.

"THEIF!"

I take back what I said before. Today sucks balls. Knocked from the side, the world spins and turns. Crashing into the ground, colors fly, bright lights. My produce rolls, spices are kicked, breads trampled, Tipe bird stolen, my glasses crunch in the distance. Well fuck. Just…FUCK! Fucking ridiculous, "WATCH YOU'RE GOING, YA LITTLE SHIT! MY GLASSES ARE FUCKING RUINED AND EVERYTHING I BOUGHT IS LOST, WHAT KIND OF SHITTY THIEF ARE YOU - "

Struggling to sit up, the hood covering the stranger's head slips, their eyes meeting mine. I hate myself. Blood rolling down my arm, the anger in me fizzles out, a raspy after feel in my chest. I really, really hate myself. But damn, what a pretty pair of eyes, so bright like sapphires. They look like the beautiful pair of earrings a past job of mine wore. I almost took them too…

"Oh! Aggh! I'm Sorry…..I-I didn't mean…"

"STOP THAT THEIF!"

Freezing mid apology, the stranger's eyes light up in fear. I hate myself. I'm going to regret this, aren't I? But his hand is suddenly in mine and we're running through the crowds, people cursing and screaming around us. Why? Why am I even doing this? I'm helping some stranger that I don't even know. I owe him nothing, absolutely nothing! And he's a thief. A fucking THIEF! If we get caught, I could easily get punished for who knows how long and everyone knows that you can't pay debts while in jail...AGGHHH! Why am I so stupid? I blame it on his eyes. Dazzling eyes like those should be fucking illegal or something…

Making a sharp turn into an alleyway, instinct takes over. Following an intricate path, it almost feels like Gakupo was still here, his hand in mine. Back when world ours, when there was nothing we couldn't do, nothing we couldn't be. But there's no one in front of me and the wind pushing against my face is too real to be fake.

________________________________________________

Judging from the vibrations in the ground, we've probably lost him by now. I can stop this now. Just let go of his hand and be on my way. Pretend this never happened. But even so, there's somewhere I want to go. It's hard to think straight like this, running with the wind in my face, that silly sense of boundless freedom, like nothing can hurt you. Hard stone transforming into grass, I'm almost there.

I'm home.

It's as if time never happened. Overlooking the republic, it's still here, that old and majestic Sky Tree, the very place where I was dubbed Queen of the World so many years ago. Caressing the bark with my fingertips, I'm sitting on the ground before it even registers; he's not coming back. He will never come back. How stupid to even think otherwise.

Landing gracelessly besides me, the thief heaves for air. Oh yeah. This guy. How weird…for a thief…he doesn't seem to be in shape. I should just leave now. He's too out of breath to even put up a proper fight. But I'm curious. I want to see those pretty eyes again.

Getting a better look, I can't even be surprised. He's gorgeous. This isn't even fair. It's more than just his sapphire eyes. It's…it's…everything. His hair looks like fucking spun gold, for Saints. The way his lips curl, he's all tall and lean with nice legs. I can't believe people like this even exist. But I'm getting ahead of myself…. Saints, I'm so stupid. Fuck. Fuck! What did I get myself into? Why am I so stupid? This isn't a thief. Sure, he's wearing commoner clothes, floundering around the republic, trying and failing to act like one…But this boy is clearly the son of a wealthy politician, through and through. We should have never met. This is what I get for helping strangers with pretty eyes. Shit, I should have known better. I have to get rid of him pronto.

"You know, for such a small thing, you're unbelievably quick and agile. I almost couldn't keep up..." This is so unfair. Fucking pretty boys and their pretty eyes and their shiver inducing voices, this needs to stop. This is a politician's son doubling as a thief. I'm probably going to have to kill him a few years from now. I cannot fall for this boy - or any boy for that matter. Not now. Not ever.

"Oh, you're hurt. Um…I think I have some bandages in my bag…"

What is even happening right now? What kind of politician's son/thief is this? I have to leave. Now.

"Wait!"

"WHAT?"

"You're hurt." White teeth biting over pretty lips. "You helped me back there. The least I can do is help…"

I need a nap. "What? No. I'm fine. It'll stop soon enough."

"No way. You could get infected." And just like that, his hand is on my wrist, pulling me back down to the ground, antiseptic sitting in his lap. Control. Control. I need to keep this under control. Fuck control! I need to leave. "So tell me, what's a rich little boy like yourself doing stealing from commonpeople? What? Does your daddy not give you enough to buy your luxury toys?" Saints! That's not control or leaving! What is wrong with me?

But his body flinches, his eyes aren't meeting mine anymore. "What makes you say that?" Oh, fuck it all. I might as well keep going with this.

"You need to be more specific. Are you referring to the thief part of the or the rich little boy part?"

His eyes still refuse to meet mine. "You know what I mean."

What a weak response. How pitiful. "Well for starters, you did cause all that commotion back there and all those people were yelling out, "Thief! Thief! " And we did spend a long time running away...So obviously, you must be a thief...But that's not the answer you wanted, now is it?"

Knotting the bandage, his fingers quiver. There's fear pouring from his skin and it's all so…delicious. Invading his space, our knees touch, breaths intermingling. Capturing his eyes, I can see my reflection, how mesmerizing. Fingertips on his cheeks, it's too soft to be real."…Stranger, there is absolutely no doubt about it. You are the son of a wealthy politician through and through. You may be wearing the clothes of a commoner but that definitely doesn't make you one…."

His breath hooks, shallow little breaths. How cute. Fingers tangled in his hair, if my hands could have cried, they would have. "For starters, no commoner has hair this bright, so soft and silky. Even the most expensive soaps offered in the market place could never accomplish a wonder such as this…" This needs to stop. "Your face too." Running a single hand back down his cheek, nails dragging, everything is a whisper. "It's smooth and even to the touch. This is a face that receives a high degree of care, something that a commoner would never bother to do." Please make me stop. "But these hands of yours make it all the most obvious." Holding his hand once again, this is out of control. "These are the hands of a boy that never worked a day in his life...yet, for some reason...you still chose to play thief...how interesting indeed..."

But then the stranger's mouth opens, probably to defend what little honor he has. "Yes. Yes. I know. You work out and all that. I can see that, don't you worry. Your nails and the scrapes on your knuckles definitely show that...But that still doesn't change the fact that your hands are unbelievably beautiful." How I wish those hands could be my own... "These could never be the hands of a commoner."

End this. Now. "So do yourself a favor and go back home. Quit this odd little hobby of yours while you still can... Trust me when I say that it's just not worth it. Daddy might be able to save you from jail but there are some things in life that even money and power can't fix."

Getting up, dropping that hand, it's not even three seconds before it's on my wrist again. With hard eyes and a firm voice, he says, "You're wrong. I'm not a politician's son, well at least, not anymore..."

Leave. Leave now. You don't care. End this.

"Well, rich boy or not, this is where we part ways. Goodbye Pretty Boy." Fuck. I wasn't supposed to say that. It doesn't matter. Just leave. Pretend this never happened and one day it will become the truth.

"W-WAIT!"

Keep walking. Don't look back. He is nothing. Just keep walking.

"What?" Well fuck.

"W-Well, you see..."

A groan pushes past my lips. Of course. Of Course! "You don't know how to get to your place, do you?"

Heavy silence passed before he admitted the obvious truth. "…..no…."

"What kind of thief doesn't know the area they're stealing from?!"

"Sorry but it just happens to be that I'm new in town, so..."

"That's not a fucking excuse!"

Don't do this Miku. Just let him wander around for a while. Let him learn his lesson. He'll figure it out eventually. Don't involve yourself any further…and why are you offering your hand? Idiot.

His hand is on mine before I can even convince myself to drop it and to stop being an idiot. I hate myself. I'm going to regret this. Pretty boys of this degree should be illegal.

Walking back the way I came, Pretty Boy follows, his steps matching mine. This is ridiculous. How did he even become the ex-son of a wealthy politician? Did he get disowned? Who is his father anyways? And why is he so fucking pretty? I definitely don't remember any handsome politicians living in Admodia, alive or dead. Just where did he come from and why is he in this republic of all fucking republics? But more importantly, what is it with this hand holding stuff anyways? We aren't five and we certainly aren't going out….so what gives? But then again, it's not all that much of an issue, I think….At least this way he won't get lost. But then again, I should probably want him to get lost? That way, I could get rid of him easier…

Arrgggghhhh! None of this is making sense and my brain is starting to hurt. Not only that but this guy seems pretty carefree for someone who's lost….fucking pretty boys….

"Hey….I never did thank you for helping me out back there, did I?" Glancing over at him, there's this look in his eyes. I can't tell what it is.

"No, you didn't."

Giving me a small smile, his hand squeezes mine. "Well…I'm Kag – Len. My name is Len. Thank you…for helping me out back there. I appreciate it."

"Yeah…"

Taking a breath, he asks, "…Can I know your name?"

Don't you even dare. "No."

Silence drifting, he smiles again, understanding in his eyes. "Ok. It's probably best if we don't meet each other again, huh?"

Yeah, pretty boy definitely has secrets of his own, all right. But at the same time, it hurts. I want to say something else. I want to nod my head yes and watch those beautiful blue sapphires shine even brighter with joy. I want them. I want them so bad.

Lucky for me, before anything else stupid flies out of my mouth, we finally arrive to the very edge of the market. I stop and Len stops along with me.

"Goodbye Len."

Dropping his hand, he doesn't make an effort to snatch mine up again. Instead he smiles impishly, sapphire eyes shining. "Goodbye Pretty Girl."

And that is the end of that.

(If only…)


	4. Hearts

The door creaks behind me, the lock clicking into place a few seconds after. It's not completely quiet. I can hear the wind rattling the window panes and the electricity thrumming in the room and the footsteps from the tenants above me…but it's quiet enough.

Flopping down onto the bed, my cloak tangles itself around my body, stupid, rebellious thing. Rolling over to pull it off, the shoes come off next, clattering to the ground. Wow. This mattress really feels comfortable today…I must be more exhausted than I thought. And I'm really hungry. No that's not it. It's another word. A stronger word. What is it again?...Yes. Ravenous. I'm ravenous. So very ravenous...enough to eat this mattress?...No. Not yet at least. It's certainly been a while since I went hungry, that's for sure. The solution should be easy. All I have to do is go to the market and buy food. It's so simple. But I already did that today. So now I'm broke. Broke. Broke. Broke. Or well, broke budget wise, gotta practice smart living and all that. But that still means no food for me today.

Stupid Len and his shitty running away skills. Stupid Len and his alluring blue eyes and golden hair and near perfect hands. Stupid Len and all the secrets I can't ask about. But more importantly…stupid me. Stupid, stupid me. What the fuck was I thinking, grabbing his hand like that? No, I wasn't thinking, that's what!

Well it doesn't matter that I know his name now. It doesn't matter that he's alluring, or cute or any of those other things he's not allowed to be. Our relationship has now just ended. Whatever we just were, whatever we could be...will never, ever be. Don't forget that. He's dangerous, he's trouble waiting to happen. He will absolutely ruin everything. So stop thinking about it. It isn't allowed.  
________________________________________________

Mama is reading me a bedtime story. I love it when Mama reads me bedtime stories. More than when Papa does it. I love Papa's deep and rumbly voice. But when Mama reads to me, everything is magical and real.

I like that.

Today's story is something called the Little Prince. It's a little hard to get but Mama likes it. So I will be a good girl and not say anything. Mama's prettier when she's happy.

"Just that," said the fox. "To me, you are still nothing more than a little boy who is just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you, on your part, have no need of me. To you I am nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world..."

Hmmm. That's weird. "Mama. I don't get it. Why does Mr. Fox want to be tamed?"

….Mama's not saying anything. Is she thinking maybe? I know I've been asking a lot of questions...but I want to understand this story that Mama likes. I don't wanna be a bother...

After a long time, Mama speaks up again. Good! She's not upset after all! Thoughtfully, she says, "Mr. Fox doesn't want to be all by himself anymore. By choosing to be tamed, he's creating an unbreakable chain that will forever connect him and the prince."

"How mean of Mr. Fox! Isn't he just bothering the Prince with a wish like that?"

Mama stops and thinks again. Could this this book be too hard for even Mama to understand?

Mama's voice floats above my head. "Yes. The fox just may be bothering the Little Prince. But remember Miku. No one wants to be alone. And sometimes, we are so desperate that we would do anything to avoid being lonely. Even if it means being bothersome.

I think...in life….for a person to be truly happy…they need someone they are truly unique to. I think, that even if we don't want to admit it, we all need at least one person to live for."

BRRRIIIINNNGGGG! BRRRIIIINNNGGGG! BRRRIIIINNNGGGG!

...…?

Eyes slowly creaking open, the usual ceiling reveals itself to me once again. What an unpleasant dream. Some things are better left forgotten. But I don't get it. Why that memory? Why now? Never mind. I don't want to know the answer.

BRRRIIIINNNGGGG! BRRRIIIINNNGGGG! BRRRIIIINNNGGGG!

What is this fucking sound anyways? Sounds a lot like…SHIT! Shitshitshit where did I put that wretched thing? Why did people even build something so fucking annoying? Aw fuck, where did I put it?

BRRRIIIINNNGGGG! BRRRIIIINNN –

Here! "Hello?"

Sir's rough voice echoes through the line, as expected. "Pick up the phone faster, Girl! Fuck, I don't have time for this. I have a job for yah tonight. Be here by 11:30."

And he hangs up. Just like that. But it's ok. Not really. But I'm used to it. Some things just never change, after all. At least he wasn't angry…hopefully he won't pinch my pay.

Crawling out of bed, my stomach rumbles in frustration. Just a little longer. This is good luck in a way. Now I won't have to go hungry much longer. Swapping my grey dress for a black one, the color reminds me of ink. Winding my hair into a tight braid, it gets covered by my cloak, also darker than black. Looking into the mirror, I can't help but hate her for a moment, the girl that stares back.

Grabbing a medium sized bag from under the loose planks by the wall, the door swings shut behind me. The weight on my shoulder is familiar along with the pieces that clatter together inside. It's time for work. Oh, the fun.  
________________________________________________

Fingers tapping against the slates of the roof, even the night is quieter than usual. There's no movement in the house below me, it might as well be abandoned. I'm pretty sure it's not. A streetlamp flickers down the road, a man passes underneath it with his back hunched, the collar of his coat pulled up. It's not him. It's all part of the game, I'm having so much fun.

My body's cramped, my finger is already starting to follow suit. Could the information been wrong? It's never been wrong before but it's never too late to start. I wonder who would get punished for that fuck up?

But no. There he is. He's not even wearing a fucking hat, the careless idiot. 32 years of age. Five foot six. Weighs 172 to 184 pounds. Dyed blonde hair. A journalist. He knows too much, or so some politicians claim. Sucks to be him.

Like usual, I can hear it, the sound of my bullet shattering his skull, the dulled impact as it lodges into the railing of the apartment complex behind him. I still hate the sound. This time, there's nothing else to muffle it.

Slumping to the ground, blood spills from his head, plopping heavily onto the asphalt. Blonde hair tainted red, his coat and clothes soak up some of the mess but it's not enough. It pools around him, shimmering under the moonlight and it looks so pretty, that kind of red. I'm pretty sure it's not supposed to.

Sometimes, I wonder. Does a heart simply vanish? Or must a person rip it out and stab it until there's nothing left to excruciate? I would really love to know.

The ceiling stares back at me. In our hands, a ruby colored rose blooms. Heaving for breath, it slowly blooms, it wasn't real, it's petals gracefully spreading, it didn't happen, before exploding right before our eyes. It didn't happen. The blood surrounds us, it was just a dream, covering everything. It was just a dream. Slowly, it devours him, it didn't happen, consuming him whole, it was just a dream! Slithering down his arms, creeping up mine, it didn't happen! He's dead...Except it did. Just who are you kidding?

It's fine. Everything's fine. You're overreacting. It was just a dream. Nothing's wrong. Get your shit together, you're a fucking professional. Yeah? Good. Now get dressed. There are things you have to do.

Nothing's changed (except not really).

Grey dresses lining the inside of my closet, the three black ones hidden behind a false panel, this is nothing new. Sitting in front of the mirror, the girl that stares back is covered in blood, it drips down her face, except she's not, stop being fucking delusional, it was just. a. dream. Get your shit together. You know what you are. This is nothing new. There's no point in freaking out about it now.

A single braid trailing down your back, glasses in place, you are a professional. You are an assassin, a killer. You deserve to burn up in hell. But until then, you'll keep living your life, just like this until your fucking debt is paid. There's no point in feeling guilty about it now.

Cloak hanging on my shoulders, the door clicks shut behind me, I know what I am. I am a professional, an assassin. This is nothing new. There's no point in freaking out about it now. But still…I should probably try somewhere new to eat tomorrow…just to mix it up. Yeah. That sounds good.

These are the kinds of mornings that makes you question this republic because this is just fucking ridiculous. This is what, the twentieth time I've thrown up now? Am I just choosing all the wrong places or do people not know how to cook decent food anymore? How did I even manage before I found Kaito's stall anyways? I've tried three other markets on the west blok and two in the east blok, and I haven't been able find any good food stalls at all! I mean, I know I haven't tried all of them but I am so fucking tired of puking up my guts at least once a week. But that's it. I give up. No more of this garbage that people call food. Why was I doing this anyways? …oh. Yeah. That. Well that was stupid and so is this! It's time to eat decent food again.

Walking across bloks, my usual marketplace quickly comes up in the distance. Weaving past all the vendors, animals and kids, it's like I never left. Everything smells like it should and some of the stall owners smile at me, as if they've noticed my absence, which is in its own way, terrifying. This place is starting to feel a lot like "home" and something tells me that's not a good thing. I'll worry about it later.

"Mornin' Kaito!"

Yelling over the squawks of Bu birds, Kaito pops out of the small kitchen in record time. Hopping over the counter, I'm quickly wrapped up in this giant hug, the kind that squeezes the air out of you. Pressed tight against his body, I'm trapped, unable to move, I'm not sure how I feel about this either.

After a moment, Kaito abruptly lets me go and falls against the counter, leaning back onto it. He's trying to look nonchalant, but I can see the worry and relief in his eyes. A warm feeling bubbles up in my chest and I hate the large part of me that feels this way. This isn't good. With a cool voice, as if he never hugged me, he says, "So tell me, Mystery Girl. Where have you been for the last two months?"

Smoothing out my hair, placing an impish smile on my face, the half lie comes out naturally. "I was just trying out some different food, you know? I wanted to try something a bit different." I had a dream and freaked out.

A look of exaggerated shock crosses his face. "What's this? You've been eating food other than mine this entire time?" Dramatically, he sighs and looks up to the tarp covered sky. "The nerve! The betrayal! A wound straight to the heart! All this time, I've been worrying about my precious Mystery Girl and as it turns out, she's been as unfaithful as can be! Oh, how it hurts!"

Then, although there's a playful glint in his eyes, his face turns serious. Pushing himself off the counter, Kaito takes a step closer to me. Slowly, he reaches a hand out and strokes a hand up my cheek, fiddling with my glasses. There's something in his voice, something I don't recognize. "Tell me, Little Miss Mystery Girl. How will you make it up to me?"

I don't like this. This is weird. And a little creepy. When did I ever owe him anything? We're not even friends…I think. Maybe I should have never came back after all. "Oh? And why should I? Maybe you just need to make better food."

Smirking at me, there's this dark look in his eyes, almost lustful, I need to get my food and go. But before Kaito can continue, a familiar blonde head pops up into view. Lingering at the edge of my sight, half hidden by the Bu birds, the blue of his eyes is unmistakable. You've got to be kidding me.

"So this is where you've been..." You've really got to be fucking kidding me. What happened to 'never meeting each other again?'

Turning around, Kaito's hand fall from my cheek. Dark look fading to curiously, I can't restrain the sigh in my chest. Today is going to suck, I can already tell. I really should have just stayed away.

Staring at Kaito and I with sad eyes, a pretty boy asks, "…Are you two going out?"

Part of me is ready to lie. And part of me hates that look in his eyes. "What are you doing Len? What does it matter to you?" You said you wouldn't meet me again.

Biting his lip, those sapphire eyes harden with unnecessary determination. "I need to talk to you."

"No, you don't. What you need to do is leave."

"Please? Just for a moment?"

Those pretty blue eyes beg at me and I just can't do this right now. This is so unfair, all I wanted was decent food, I should have never came back. Fucking pretty boys. I have this ridiculous desire to hug him. It's getting hard to breathe. This can't be happening. I need to leave. I'm running before I know it.

People scream, shout and curse in my direction. They're probably not happy to have me back. Food flies around me and birds frantically squawk. I'll have to come back and buy that Tipe bird later.

I know he's still chasing after me. I can feel it. Instinct takes over and I desperately push harder. Farther. Farther. I have run farther away. Why? Why am I running away? I'm overreacting. This is pathetic. He'll ruin everything.

Taking every turn I see, I won't look back this time. I'll lose him in the depths of this republic and everything will be fine. It'll be as if we never met. It'll be fine. Except it's not. Because my life never works out that way. Who would I be kidding?

Cutting in front of me, his hand whips out and grabs mine. The momentum spins me and together we crash into some alley, my body landing on his. My glasses are not on my face anymore but there's no time for that. Len's wincing in pain under me, moans slipping under my skin and I'm already trying to run again, this sort of thing is nothing.

"Please!"

His hand still somehow on my wrist, the pressure is way too tight for me to shake off. My chest hurts. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck! Why is this happening? "Please don't go." It's such a desperate sound. How pitiful. How pathetic. "Please." He begs. "Don't run away from me…." He says. But even more pathetic is me, the idiot still standing there.

His sapphire eyes bore into mine. Saints, they're so pretty. They look so sad. There are rocks in my ribcage. I want to cry. And maybe puke some more. I hate myself for feeling this way. Why do I feel this way? I only met him once for fuck's sake! So why am I stuck like this? Don't be an idiot. You have to get away, far away from this boy. Or else it might be too late for the both of you. You need to go.

"Yeash, didn't we already establish that it'd be bad to meet up again? I want you out of my life." Stop looking at me like that. "Let me the fuck go already." Leave me alone. "I don't know what you want from me," This was never supposed to happen. "you can't have it!"

Grinding his free hand over his eyes, his voice comes out as a whisper, practically nonexistent. "Please. Just one more day." I don't get it. "That's all I want from you. Just one more day…"

Why is this so hard? "No. I don't want to, for Saint's sake! Just! Just leave me alone already!" I hate myself. "Go and find some other girl to play around with! You'll probably have a better time!" You need to get your shit together.

"Don't you get it? I tried! I tried so hard. There are so many beautiful girls in this republic. But none of them are you….none of them are you." You are a fucking professional.

"Everyday, for this past two months, I told myself to forget about you. To pretend as if it never happened, you're just some girl I happened to crash into. But you helped me. You just grabbed my hand…and it felt like we were flying." Shit happens.

"For the last two months, I got stupidly excited every time I saw something remotely teal and…I…I just want to be near you. I want to hold your hand again. Saints, that sounds so stupid. I don't know what I'm doing anymore." But you're supposed to leave it behind.

"I want nothing to do with you."

"I figured as much. But please? Just one day. One date. And after that…I'll give up. I'll leave you alone…for good." His hand drops from his face, his eyes once again stare into mine. They're pleading with mine. "Please?"

So why are you still here?

"Just one day." My mouth decides before I do. "This is the last and final time." You're an idiot. "After today, you will never, ever, try to find me again." You should have said no. "Leave this republic if you have to. Is that clear?" This isn't going to end well.

And just like that, his beautiful face lights up in joy and relief. That's a face like that will kill me one day for sure. My time's already ticking.

Climbing off of him, I'm not even surprised I'm offering a hand to help him up. Grabbing on tightly, he pulls himself up, towering over me in seconds. Giving me a sad smile, he squeezes my hand in his. There's no point in doing this. We know that. I know that. But still…

I just can't help myself.


	5. Guess Who?

For a while, we wander in silence, heading in no specific direction. Why did I think this was a good idea again? Jostled by the crowd every now and then, Len's hand feels stiff in mine. His eyes dart around everywhere, never once focusing on me. (That's right. I didn't.)

"You didn't plan any of this out, didn't you?"

Blushing lightly, he settles his eyes 30 degrees left of mine. "Well to be honest…I didn't think I'd get this far…I didn't really think I could get you to say yes…" Well that makes two of us.

"We could start off with food? I didn't have breakfast yet."

Eyes brightening at the idea, his hand loosens in mine. Smiling in relief, his lips part and maybe this won't be too bad after all. Except maybe not really because once again his fingers are tightening around mine, there's a dark look on his face, as if he's displeased with something. "…Do we have to go back to the guy you were with before?"

"You mean Kaito? Well, he does make the best food around." Wait a minute…is he...scowling? "What? Do you have something against Kaito?"

Looking at somewhere that's not my face, he mumbles, "No…not really…"

And then it clicks. "You're jealous, aren't you? You're worried about what Kaito might be to me." We were standing pretty close.

"N-No! That's not it at all!" Ears bright red, this is way too cute. But still…

"Don't tell me…Did you actually fall for me? You barely know me."

"I…I don't know. I don't know what any of this is. What about you?" Finally looking straight at me, there's a challenge in his eyes. "You could have easily gotten away after we fell like that. Why did you stay? Why did you say yes?"

"You had a death grip on my wrist." You sound like a kicked puppy when you're sad. I like your eyes. I couldn't bear to say no.

"Is that really the only reason? Because I know you're stronger than that."

"Who knows?"

Stopping off on the side, Len simply looks at me. Eyes focusing on mine, I wonder what he sees. Who does he see? Can you see me, for what I am? I hope not. And just like that, his lips are on mine, what the fuck even?

But it's nice. This soft pressure on my lips, almost tentative but not exactly. Cupping the back of my head, his hand feels so big, I can feel the heat radiating off his skin. Fingers wrapped around his neck, he shivers just a bit, the tremble vibrating against me. Parting my lips, he follows my lead, goes on ahead, like permission granted, no air or space, how pleasant, intoxication, I'm supposed to be hating every second of this.

Breaking apart, greedy, ungraceful gasps of air, "I should have punched you."

Pupils dilated, lips barely hovering over mine, fingers almost pulling my hair, the look on his face, like he doesn't know what to think, like he's confused about something important. But it quickly passes, his face rearranging itself to something casual, almost nonchalant but not quite, his hands slipping down my hair, my back, he shrugs. "Then why didn't you?"

I don't know what to answer. His hands are warm. And before I can think of what I what I want to say, my stomach growls, loudly, a refusal to be ignored, a way out. "Can we go eat now? You can choose the place."

"Ok." Nodding his head, Len lets the subject drop. Fingers interlacing with mine, the tension lifts from his shoulders. Letting him lead the way, my footsteps match with his. I don't know what to call this feeling.

#

Ten minutes later, we are back at the heart of the marketplace, at a food stall that isn't Kaito's. Please let this food taste good. I really don't know what would be worse, dealing with Kaito and Len at the same time or possibly puking my guts into another trashcan. But then again, it's not like I haven't seen this stall before. To be honest, I've even considered buying from here, once or twice. But it's so fucking expensive and expensive doesn't always mean delicious. Life is weird like that.

Tugging on Len's hand, he looks down at me confused. Damn his tallness. "Look, this is nice and all but do you even have the money to afford food from here?"

The smirk on his face is sly, mischievous. I was right to think that he's dangerous. Whispering in my ear, he says, "But of course I do. Just because I've been searching for you for the last two months doesn't mean I haven't been working myself."

It's hard not to be skeptical, what kind of thief has the money to afford something like this casually? At the counter, Len asks a pretty waitress with choppy green hair and green eyes for the A meal set. He's going all out, isn't he? With an airy voice and a smile, waitress replies, "Very well sir, that'll be 50 Ethas."

Well fuck, just how good is this food supposed to be for it to cost that much? ...I'm kinda curious now. But even more curious is Len; rather than backing down, something in him shifts, from the way he stands to his very aura. Pouting just a bit, he says, "Hey, don't you think that's a bit too much for a plate of food? How about 25?"

Blushing lightly, a dust of pink across her cheeks, fingers clenched around her apron, she takes a breath and responds, "I'm sorry sir. Either you pay the appropriate amount of money or I'm afraid I must ask you to leave." I like her.

Next to me, the air shifts again and this all makes complete sense now...more or less. This is somewhat unexpected except not over the counter, his hand slipping out of mine, Len reaches out and gently brushes the waitress's hair to the side. Cupping her cheek, bring her closer to him, their lips practically touch, her resistance wavers. Someone should call sexual harassment on this guy. In a low voice, he pleads, "Please? Just this once?"

Even from here, I can see the way he looks at her. It's…different from how he looks at me. He's still begging but it's devious, dangerous, the sort of temptation that really can't be denied. There is nothing honest about it.

In his hands, the girl turns a bright red, she's done for. Using his free hand, he reaches out for the waitress's hand and places a few bills into her open palm before folding her fingers shut along with his. She never had a chance, did she? Enraptured, with a glaze in her eye, she slips the money into the apron and nearly dashes into the kitchen to grab the food, shoving it almost desperately in Len's direction. With a wink, he mouths 'thanks' before grabbing me by the hand and finding us a small table to sit at. He doesn't look back.

Glancing between at the food on the table and the boy that put it there, I can feel the smirk on my face. So he could do that but he couldn't look at me in the eye for the first eight minutes? Cute. Yet frightening. "Impressive show you put there. So I'm guessing hearts are among the many things you steal, huh? What a dangerous pretty boy you are…."

Leaning back comfortably into his chair, Len smirks right back and says, "Like I said. Some of us have to get by somehow." Then he pauses for a moment before sitting up again and locking his eyes on mine. He's staring carefully at me, like he's searching for something. What, I don't know. "But please don't misunderstand Pretty Girl…what we're doing now…this isn't a game or some sort of ploy. I'm being serious, ok?"

Don't trust him.

Without acknowledging his words, it's easier to just look down and take my first bite of the food in front of me.

...Holy shit. This is….this is…..possibly the best food I've ever eaten! No! No…Screw that! This is the best food I've ever eaten! Sorry Kaito, but your food has just been beat. Such savory and tender bird meat. The spices are mixed perfectly…the vegetables are cooked to perfection…and the rice isn't even over or under cooked. It's like those last two months of pain and terrible food never happened. Saints this stuff is amazing!

"Len, would you like to try some…"

And the chair that once held a devious pretty boy is now empty, body heat fading.

My fork clatters against my plate, the sound tinny and distance, should I really have expected anything different? How stupid of me. I just hope he didn't take all my money. Who am I kidding? This was a stupid idea from the start anyways. I should have known better. At least I got a good meal out of this.

Getting up to clean, I don't know what I hate more. The fact that I'm scared to check for my money in my pocket or the fact that I'm feeling this hurt. Adjusting my cloak, I can feel the weight of bills, so he didn't take anything after all. Ok. Fine. How kind. Things will be better this way. They will. I know that. So why won't my feet move? Why am I still holding on? It's so simple. All I have to do is put one foot in front of the other and forget this all ever happened. This was a mistake from the very beginning. I've been played. I know that. And yet, here I am, waiting for someone that won't and shouldn't come back. I really am an idiot.

But enough! It's time to go. I have shopping to do. I don't have the time to be pathetic. Pushing towards the bustling crowd, I'm immediately yanked back by my wrist. I'm not relieved. Really. Whipping around, this is happening way too often for it to be ok. He's going to break my wrist at this rate. "What gives?"

The hand holding me is shaking ever so slightly. Biting his lips, he pleads, "Please don't leave. Stay with me for just a little bit longer."

Looking so weak, so…vulnerable, I don't know what to believe. Who are you really, Pretty Boy Len? Lifting my other hand, the one that isn't being held captive yet again, my fingernail traces the curve of his face, simply because I can. I'm not happy. Really. I'm not. A shiver runs through him and I find myself forgiving him just a little bit. "You left first."

Frantically shaking his head no, he splutters out, "No…I didn't leave. Ah…well….I did but I was going to come back straight back and I did! Wait..No…What I meant to say is….I wanted to get you this."

Letting go of my wrist, making sure I'll stay, he reaches into his pocket. Taking my hand from his face, he flips it palm up and places his present down. It's a hair ornament and it's so… exquisite. Made up of deep blue fabric flowers and small pieces of delicate gray lace, it's beautiful and I could never afford this in my lifetime. Thousands of emotions flow through me, most of them undesired, but what comes out of my lips is, "You stole this, didn't you?"

A light chuckle echoes in my ears and with a smile in his voice, he replies, "Yeah. I did. But that's not a surprise, now is it?"

I'm smiling and I don't know why. "No, it's not." There's something seriously wrong with me.

Guiding me back into the chair I just left, Len stands behind me, fingers pulling down my hair ties. "What are you doing?" There's no point in staying.

"You see, it's like this Pretty Girl. After you took your first bite, there was just this look of pure joy on your face. It was like you just experienced heaven or something as equally amazing. And even though you were so caught up in your food, I didn't mind at all. It made me happy to know that I was the one that put such a happy expression on your face." But I really want to.

"And as I continued to watch you eat, I realized that I really liked your hair. It's a gorgeous color and it's so pretty and long, not like the other girls in this republic that prefer to keep it short. I wanted to play with it, you know?" How idiotic.

"And that was how I got the idea to get you a hair ornament. I have to admit, it was a little hard to choose one at first because teal isn't an easy color to match with. But the moment I saw this blue one, I knew that it would look great on you…so yeah."

I know. "Hmmmm….ok. That makes sense, I guess. But I still have a question."

"Ok…?"

Waving my hand in his general direction, this is way too curious to not know. You're going to break your heart. "Just when did you learn to style hair? Even Gakupo, with his long hair, had a hard time styling mine." There's nothing left to break though. That's what you think.

"Gakupo? Who's that?"

Shit. I have to be careful. I'm becoming too careless. "Ah. He used to be my guardian a while back."

Len ponders for a moment before asking "And he had long hair too?"

Nodding my head, I have to watch my words around this guy. Why don't you leave him all together? "Yeah. It was really long and elegant looking."

Understanding rings in his voice. "Ah! I get it now!"

Fuck. "What do you get?"

"Well, like I said, most girls in this republic keep their hair really short. You're actually the first girl I've seen with hair as long as yours. So for a while, I've been wondering why. And now I get it. The length of your hair reminds you of him, doesn't it?"

Dangerous….He's even more dangerous than I thought. Nothing good will come out of this. "You never answered my question." I KNOW!

"Oh yeah! That's right. Well to answer your question, the reason would be my mother."

"Your mother?"

"Yeah. You see, my mother was always nervous about strangers. For some reason I never understood, she was always afraid of other people. If it wasn't for her arranged marriage, I doubt she would have ever gotten married."

But the thing is, she had this beautiful long hair. Not as long as yours but it was long enough. Since she never let a hair arranger near her, my twin sister and I would always do it for her. It was something special between the three of us. And….and even after she died, I continued to do my sister's hair so I guess after a while, I just became really good at it, you know?"

There's a lot I want to ask. How did his mother die? What is his sister's name? Did he leave her behind? Does he miss her? But I'm not that stupid (and thank the Saints for that). Just like I have my own box of secrets, I am absolutely sure that he has his. I will not cross our boundaries. This isn't something that will last past today anyways. There's no point in knowing. Then why are you still here? I don't know. But sitting here, watching the crowd with Len's fingers in my hair, it's…nice. I wouldn't mind doing this again. Not that it will.

Plucking the hair ornament from my idle fingers, it seems that he's finishing up. And with a final tug, Len does declare himself done. Lifting my hands, it's hard to get a feel for how I look just by touching. "How do I look?"

Crossing in front of me, he says, "Absolutely gorgeous." My doubt must be showing through my face because he goes on to say, "But you don't believe me, do you?"

"No. Not really." I'd be stupid to trust you.

Pouting just a bit, Len shakes his head with a sad smile. Leaning down, he presses a gentle kiss on the side of my head before standing back up and offering his hand out. "Come on Pretty Girl. Let's go find you a mirror."

Grasping his hand tightly in mine, I allow him to pull me out of my chair. Sticking to the side so that we aren't jostled by the masses of people going through, our hands slowly swing between us and I can't help but notice the amount of people are staring at us. They feel like they're coming from every direction. More often than not, most people turn back to get a second glance before rushing off. You're attracting too much attention.

"Len….I look strange, don't I?"

Surprised, he answers, "What makes you think that?"

"People keep staring at us, giving us strange looks. I know those looks aren't for you."

Seconds pass before understanding registers in Len's eyes. And when he does, he lets out a light laugh, as if I've said something funny. "Well, you're right. Those looks aren't for me. They're for you. I told you already, you're absolutely gorgeous."

"That seriously can't be the reason."

"But it is. It's really that simple. I know you don't believe me but that's ok. I like a good challenge every now and then."

"So is that what I am? A challenge? Something for you to try to conquer for a day?"

Stopping mid step, the wide look in Len's eyes is almost comical. "What? No! No. That's not what I meant at all!"

"Oh? Then what did you mean?"

"I…I just…I mean…I like the fact that you're just not blindly agreeing with everything I say just because I'm more…attractive than most guys in the area."

"So you are aware of how ridiculously pretty you look."

"Ugh...Well, yeah! It's kind of hard not to when there's all of these people just falling at your feet as soon as you make eye contact! But this isn't about me! This is about you!"

"Me?"

"Yeah you! You're ridiculously pretty too! You're small and cute looking and your eyes are like mini oceans and there's no one who wouldn't agree that teal hair isn't awesome and anyways the point is with your hair up like that you look really elegant and I really just want to kiss you, wait, no, forget I said that, just, ugh! Let's just get you to a mirror! I can't deal with this right now!"

Grabbing me by the hand, he's just dragging me in a general direction now, the tips of his ears bright red. Looking behind me, the vendors around us are all trying to stifle chuckles, some of them not even bothering and others giving me a thumbs up. Just what did I get myself into?

"See! Look!"

Planting me in front of a mirror from some random stall, I'm face to face with a girl I don't recognize. Hair wound up in a complex array of interconnecting braids, it all rests almost regally on the back of her head. And there on the side of her head, is a hair ornament, deep blue and grey. She really is gorgeous.

You'd be stupid to think that's you. I know.

"Thank you Len."

Standing off, he simply nods, the blush still on his face.

"And you owe me a new pair of glasses…no…make that two pairs."

In the mirror, I can see the cogs turning in his head. And soon enough there's laughter bubbling on his lips.

"You got it Pretty Girl."

He doesn't say anything more after that but there's a huge smile on his face.

#

Going about buying my groceries is almost normal. But every so often, Len's hand flashes out and grabs some small good or snack. A muffin. Hairpins. A delicate whistle. Beautiful gloves. Sometimes, it's for him. And sometimes it's for me. I tried resisting at first but Len is stupidly persistent when he want to be, claiming that it'd be something to remember him by. Doesn't he know that's the last thing I want? And yet, like the idiot I am, I find myself accepting every gift, my pockets growing heavy with stolen goods. I really do hate myself sometimes, I'll definitely be regretting this tomorrow. Hell, I'm already regretting it today. Unfortunately, it's not enough to stop.

Somehow, we've ended up in a small park with some scattered Bell Trees. The stars are pretty tonight but when did it get this late? How am I ever going to let go? Is this where I say I told you so? Shut up. Looking back at the pretty boy holding my hand, he's watching me too, isn't he? I really do like his eyes. I still want to keep them. Too bad I can't.

In just a little bit, this will all end and it'll be like it never happened. Everything will go back to normal. But even so…I want to stay like this just a little longer. There's no point in still trying to be sensible for today.

Smiling sadly, his free hand unties my cloak. He better not be getting any weird ideas. It falls to the ground with a clatter, released from the weight of his stolen goods. Singing a song loud enough for both of us to hear, I'm swept into his arms, it's rather comfortable there.

We saw off the vanishing contrails  
It was too glaring and I ran away- I was weak at all times  
And regretting that I couldn't stay unchanged since that day  
That I couldn't stay unchanged forever  
I let go of your fingers

That bird still can't fly well  
But it'll learn of slicing through the wind someday  
An unreachable place still exists afar  
Keeping my wish only to myself, I gaze at it

At first, I'm dreadfully clumsy. I don't remember how to dance. But Len is patient, stupidly so. He doesn't mind that I step on his toes. And slowly, surely, the moves come back to me from the depths of the memories of a child taught long ago.

The windmill's blades spinning in that sky  
Dream the same dream forever  
I'm always gazing at the unreachable place  
I kept my wish, the bird's dream, to myself

When I look back, even if the cumulonimbus clouds  
Concealing the sunburnt railroad tracks change shape  
May we remember  
The yesterday the seasons left behind

Under the starry sky, we spin and dance, taking turns singing different songs. In the distance, the Bell Trees chime along. He has a nice voice. I wouldn't mind hearing it again.

We chased and chased the vanishing contrails  
And we burst into laughter at the too-early sign, forever  
For our gazes to look straight ahead  
Even if your hand is soaked in sweat, I won't let go of it, always

We saw off the vanishing contrails  
It was too glaring and I ran away- I was weak at all times  
And regretting that I couldn't stay unchanged since that day  
That I couldn't stay unchanged forever  
I let go of your fingers

But time is up. We both know it. There is no point lying to ourselves and just like that, we stop, gently panting with exhaustion. I should let go. I should walk away. This needs to end. But I don't want this to end. I want to be stupid and selfish.

But I made a promise to myself. I made a promise to Gakupo. So I'll let go. For his sake and mine. This was never meant to happen. These ridiculous feelings were never meant to exist. You know this.

Pretty Boy Len, you will belong to someone else. You cannot belong to me. You're too dangerous to keep.

It's Len who speaks up first. His voice is a soft whisper. "Hey Pretty Girl? I don't want to let go…You don't want to let go either, do you?"

Stop. No. Don't even think about it. You can't do this. "Len. This has to end. You promised me. You said this would last for only today."

There is so much despair on his face. I hate myself for feeling guilty like this. I hate myself for not wanting to let go. "Please let me go Len. "

Staring up at the sky, he doesn't look at me again. "I really don't want to Pretty Girl. I really, really don't want to."

Stop it. Don't even consider it. You know you can't. "I could end up killing you one day."

"That'd be ok. I wouldn't mind. I deserved to be killed anyways. I wouldn't mind if it was you."

"Don't be a fucking idiot Len."

"Sorry, I was born one."

Don't be a fucking idiot Miku. You know this can't last forever. You'll ruin him. He'll ruin you. This was never supposed to happen. You'll get over it. These feelings in your chest are nothing important. They'll kill you if you let them. Please don't do this to yourself.

But this boy…this boy with pretty blue eyes that shine like sapphires. This boy…sly and awkward, devious yet nervous, dishonest and sincere, dangerous and safe, which one is the real him? I'm curious. I want to know. So what if I stayed? For just a little longer? I could just continue this game…until it's out of my system…and everything will be for the better. Right? (Wrong.)

"Len…This is a really bad idea."

"I know."

Staring up at the sky, his hand grips mine, as if this was normal, as if we were normal. Thumb rubbing over my skin, I can't help but want. I want it all so bad. Fuck you Len. I could have gone on ignoring all of this if we never met. I'm curious. I want to be happy. I want to be happy with you. I want so much. I will definitely regret this one day and so will you.

Finally looking down at me, he simply looks. Eyes clouded by the darkness, he doesn't do anything as I push up on my toes. One hand held tight in his, the other latches behind his head, bringing it closer to me. Pressing my lips against his, I can't help but hate myself for being so weak. This will end horribly. But as Len kisses me back, I'm so stupidly happy, I just can't stop.

Saints, help us both.


End file.
